[Verse 1 – Male] Seven valence electrons, one shy of the crowd, fluorine's the smallest, snatches loudest, most proud, down the group the pull gets soft, size inflates the shell, iodine's a lazy thief, still ringing wedding bell, but fluorine's bond with fluorine holds an ironic curse, electrons crowd so close together, that bond's the weakest first, small atoms shove each other, lone pairs hiss and spit, that's why F–F snaps apart before it's even lit, HF you'd think screams acid, strongest of the pack, but hydrogen bonds cling tight, the proton won't fall back, weak acid, puissant oxidant — remember this design, fluorine's a paradox wrapped in a stubborn line. [Chorus] F, Cl, Br, I, At, Ts, watch the power drop, smaller grabs it fiercer, bigger it will stop, Fluorine is the tyrant, frail bond, sneaky trick, HF still weak-kneed, hydrogen bonds stick, He, Ne, Ar, Kr, Xe, Rn, Og — locked up tight, 'til Bartlett cracked the vault and let the xenon fight. [Verse 2 – Female] Mix two halogens, you get an interhalogen bond, chlorine trifluoride, iodine heptafluoride beyond, triiodide ion, three iodines in a row, lone pairs stretch it linear, that's the shape, you know, chlorine's oxoacids climb a ladder, rung by rung, hypochlorous, chlorous, chloric, perchloric sung, more oxygens pull electrons, strength keeps climbing higher, that's why perchloric scorches while HOCl guards your water, disinfection chemistry: hypochlorite storms the germ, splits the membrane open, watches proteins squirm, fluoropolymers coat your pans, so slippery, so sleek, but PFAS lingers forever — a "forever" chemical freak, carbon-fluorine grips like iron, refuses to decay, iodine rides your bloodstream to the thyroid's doorway, thyroxine needs four iodines to keep your engine warm, deficiency swells the gland — goiter is the form. [Chorus] [Verse 3 – Male & Female] Nineteen sixty-two, Bartlett shattered the myth, platinum hexafluoride stole xenon's gift, first noble compound made — the "inert" label cracked, turns out even xenon's shell can be attacked, XeF2 stretches linear, three lone pairs lie flat, XeF4 goes square planar, geometry like that, XeF6 wobbles, distorted, one lone pair won't sit still, ClF3's a bent T-shape, VSEPR's the drill, Radon seeps through granite, fills basements, silent, sly, alpha particles lurking — ventilate or say goodbye, Helium is fugacious, light, it floats and flees, squeezed from shrinking gas wells, a scarce and fickle tease, cryogenics beg it colder than deep winter's bone, Neon burns in signage, argon guards the weld alone, Oganesson's electrons swim near light-speed, relativistic, strange, predictions crumble weird — chemistry rewrites its range.
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