[Verse 1] They paint a picture with numbers that shine IRR calculations looking so fine But every dollar they claim to reinvest At twenty-six percent? Put it to test If that first fund from seventy-six grew Two point six trillion would be coming due The math breaks down when you scale it high Welcome to the theater of beautiful lies [Chorus] IRR assumes what cannot be true Every dollar reinvested at rates just like you Fifty-three to seventy-five percent in fees While billionaires multiply with such ease From three to twenty-two in seventeen years Mathematical theater engineered They know the tricks behind the show What they know that you don't know [Verse 2] Oxford research from twenty-twenty Shows PE returns aren't worth the plenty Eleven percent like the public markets But carry fees hit their targets Two hundred thirty billion collected For performance barely detected The billionaire factory churns along While pension funds sing their song [Chorus] IRR assumes what cannot be true Every dollar reinvested at rates just like you Fifty-three to seventy-five percent in fees While billionaires multiply with such ease From three to twenty-two in seventeen years Mathematical theater engineered They know the tricks behind the show What they know that you don't know [Bridge] Canadian teachers fund the game OTPP and CPP by name Twelve to thirty-three percent allocated While workers get eliminated Fee drag pulls seven point nine away Every single year they pay Pension paradox in plain sight Worker money funds the fight [Verse 3] Management fees and transaction costs Monitoring fees, see what gets lost The beautiful lies compound each year While the math makes billionaires cheer Private equity's golden crown Built on returns that break down When you peek behind the curtain's fold The emperor's math leaves you cold [Final Chorus] IRR assumes what cannot be true Every dollar reinvested at rates just like you Fifty-three to seventy-five percent in fees While billionaires multiply with such ease The theater plays, the crowd believes But math reveals what it achieves Now you know what's in the show Mathematical lies below [Outro] The beautiful lies are on display In the mathematical theater's play But armed with truth you see right through What they know, now you know too
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