[Verse 1]
There's a professor named Phalippou
Who looked behind the curtain blue
At private equity's golden claims
And found they're playing different games
The billionaire factory machine
Makes wealth from fees, not what it seems
Returns inflated, truth concealed
It's time these secrets are revealed
[Chorus]
IRR's a lie, don't be deceived
The tyranny that makes you believe
Higher numbers, twisted math
Leading investors down the wrong path
Phalippou shows what they don't tell
The inconvenient truth they hide so well
Private equity laid bare
Finally someone who truly cares
[Verse 2]
Twenty twenty brought the facts
In papers showing all the cracks
An Inconvenient Fact revealed
How real returns are often sealed
The carry fees and phantom gains
While pension funds feel all the pains
SSRN published wide
The research they tried to hide
[Chorus]
IRR's a lie, don't be deceived
The tyranny that makes you believe
Higher numbers, twisted math
Leading investors down the wrong path
Phalippou shows what they don't tell
The inconvenient truth they hide so well
Private equity laid bare
Finally someone who truly cares
[Bridge]
Read the book that tells it all
Private Equity's rise and fall
Internal rates that twist the story
Hiding failure, faking glory
Ludovic's the name to know
When you want the real cash flow
[Verse 3]
The tyranny paper breaks it down
Why IRR's the biggest clown
Of metrics used in finance halls
It stumbles when the market falls
Multiple expansion tricks
With timing games and money tricks
The comprehensive critique stands strong
Exposing what's been going wrong
[Final Chorus]
IRR's a lie, now you can see
The tyranny that used to be
Hidden from investors' eyes
Behind a wall of financial lies
Phalippou pulled back the veil
Told the truth when others fail
Private equity laid bare
Now you know, so please beware
[Outro]
Essential reading for your mind
Don't let the wool cover your eyes
What they know that you don't yet
Is written down, so don't forget