[Verse 1]
Quarter past two, ceiling fan's loud as a crowd,
Thumb on the glass like I'm reading a cloud.
Typed in a twinge that was probably nothing,
Sixteen tabs deep now, my hands won't stop something.
Every article lands on the same gray cliff,
Worst case first, like the engine's gone stiff.
Nobody mentions the desk, the bad chair, the stress,
Just the rare percent dressed up to look like the rest.
Three a.m. logic, the brain plays judge,
Diagnosing itself with a thumb and a grudge.
I'm a symptom, a chart, a stranger's footnote,
Reading my own worst chapter, word for word, by rote.
[Chorus]
I'm not a doctor, just scared and wide awake,
Won't let the search bar make the call I didn't make.
I'm not a doctor, just scared and wide awake,
Won't let the search bar make the call I didn't make.
[Verse 2]
So I close the tabs, open the calendar instead,
Call the clinic, say the ache out loud instead of dread.
Monday, nine-fifteen, with somebody who went to school for this,
Not a forum, not a stranger's guess dressed up as a diagnosis.
The phone just holds the address and the time I need to leave,
Buzzes forty minutes early so I'm not rushing through my sleeve.
It won't name a single thing, won't whisper what it thinks,
Just gets me out the door before the panic finds the links.
That's the whole job — get you there, get you seated, get you heard,
Let the person with the stethoscope say the actual word.
I drive there white-knuckled, radio down low,
Still scared, but pointed somewhere now, not just typing in the glow.
[Verse 3]
Called my sister instead of a search engine tonight,
Said it plain, said I'm scared, didn't dress it up polite.
She didn't diagnose, didn't guess at the cause,
Just stayed on the line past the quiet, past the pause.
Funny how a voice does what a screen never could,
Doesn't flood me with worst cases, just says I hear you, I would
Be scared too, but you booked it, you're not stuck in your head,
You're not just a search history, you're a person instead.
Hung up the phone feeling lighter, not fixed, just less alone,
Some things get smaller the second you say them out loud, say them known.
Turns out half the dread was carrying it solo and mute,
Shared weight's still weight, but it's lighter, it's easier to tote.
[Bridge]
And the waiting room chair won't make it easy,
Still counting ceiling tiles when the dread gets greedy.
No app un-scares a blood test or a name,
The appointment's not a cure, it's just showing up the same.
Some nights the fear outruns the facts anyway,
Guess that's allowed — that's just how Tuesdays stay.
[Chorus]
I'm not a doctor, just scared and wide awake,
Won't let the search bar make the call I didn't make.
I'm not a doctor, just scared and wide awake,
Won't let the search bar make the call I didn't make.
[Chorus]
I'm not a doctor, just scared and wide awake,
Won't let the search bar make the call I didn't make.
I'm not a doctor, just scared and wide awake,
Won't let the search bar make the call I didn't make.