[Verse 1]
The capnograph is printing out its story on the screen,
A rectangular plateau, sharp upstroke, color it clean,
But when the plateau tilts into a shark-fin slope,
That's bronchospasm talking — time to reach for hope in your scope,
Curare cleft cuts a notch mid-plateau, patient's breathing through,
Double-humped and bifid means the circuit's fighting you,
Absent waveform, esophageal, the tube is in the wrong,
Slow upstroke means COPD — that gas is holding on too long
[Chorus]
Cap-no-graph, read the wave, ten shapes to know by name,
Train-of-four, one-point-oh, the ratio ends the game,
SPV climbing tells you — preload's running thin,
Read the line, check the trace, this is where we begin,
Capnograph, neuromuscular, arterial sine,
Three pillars of assessment keeping patients fine
[Verse 2]
Now the renal nerves are quiet and the patient's lying still,
Vecuronium lingered through the case against your will,
Qualitative twitch monitoring — that subjective squeeze —
Can't tell you ninety percent block from a residual wheeze,
You need the acceleromyograph, the quantitative read,
A TOF ratio under point-nine means your patient cannot breathe,
Point-nine or higher at the vocal cords, the trachea clears,
Quantitative proof, not clinical feel, is what extubation hears
[Chorus]
Cap-no-graph, read the wave, ten shapes to know by name,
Train-of-four, one-point-oh, the ratio ends the game,
SPV climbing tells you — preload's running thin,
Read the line, check the trace, this is where we begin,
Capnograph, neuromuscular, arterial sine,
Three pillars of assessment keeping patients fine
[Verse 3]
Now the arterial line is drawing out its signature in red,
Controlled ventilation cycling, watch the systolic thread,
Systolic pressure variation — SPV above thirteen,
Means the Starling curve still climbs, the tank needs gasoline,
Pulse pressure variation riding over twelve or more,
Predict a fluid responder through a hemodynamic door,
But if the numbers barely move through every ventilated sweep,
The ventricle is filled enough — let the vasopressors keep
[Bridge]
Here's a word the textbooks rarely prize — vellichor —
That strange nostalgia reading waveforms from the floor,
Knowing every pattern holds a story of decay or mend,
And another: aubade — the dawn-watch vigil at the end,
When the extubation comes and monitoring aligns,
These aren't merely numbers — they are clinical divines,
So read the capnograph with ten shapes catalogued tight,
Check the train-of-four ratio until it crests to right
[Chorus]
Cap-no-graph, read the wave, ten shapes to know by name,
Train-of-four, one-point-oh, the ratio ends the game,
SPV climbing tells you — preload's running thin,
Read the line, check the trace, this is where we begin,
Capnograph, neuromuscular, arterial sine,
Three pillars of assessment keeping patients fine