[Verse 1] Infrared absorption, two wavelengths dancing through, Oxyhemoglobin reads red, deoxy reads blue, The Beer-Lambert law behind every SpO2, Pleth waveform tells you perfusion, not just the number too, Capnography upstream or sidestream from the airway flow, Mainstream clips the circuit, sidestream pulls it slow, The waveform's four phases, plateau tells you alveolar CO2, A shark fin means obstruction, steep alpha angle breaking through [Chorus] Pulse ox, capno, gas and pressure line, Oscillometry finds the mean, then works the math to nine, ECG for axis, arrhythmia, ischemia defined, Monitors are the dialect that the patient speaks in signs, Read the waveform, trust the physics, keep the signal clean, Every artifact has a reason if you know what numbers mean [Verse 2] Volatile agents measured by infrared spectra split, Gas analyzer cross-checks your vaporizer fit, NIBP oscillometry finds the mean arterial first, Algorithmic extrapolation, systolic and diastolic parsed, Arterial lines transmit hydraulic pulse through fluid column long, Overdamped or underdamped — your natural frequency's wrong, Fast-flush test the square wave, count the oscillations back, Resonance above ten hertz keeps the waveform on track [Chorus] Pulse ox, capno, gas and pressure line, Oscillometry finds the mean, then works the math to nine, ECG for axis, arrhythmia, ischemia defined, Monitors are the dialect that the patient speaks in signs, Read the waveform, trust the physics, keep the signal clean, Every artifact has a reason if you know what numbers mean [Verse 3] Four electrodes trace depolarization's sweep, ST segments climbing, V leads never sleep, Neuromuscular monitoring — train of four, the count, Tetanic fade and post-tetanic measuring the amount, TOF ratio above ninety says reversal is complete, BIS and entropy sample EEG frequency discrete, Burst suppression means too deep, forty-to-sixty is the zone, Cerebral oximetry — near-infrared, reading cortex tone [Bridge] TEE rotates through twenty standard views, Midesophageal, transgastric, picking up the clues, Cardiac output: thermodilution, Fick, or pulse contour derived, Point-of-care ultrasound confirms what your exam contrived, TEG and ROTEM trace the clot from initiation through lysis spread, Amplitude at thirty minutes, MA tells you what the platelets did, Kaolin versus tissue factor — know which cup you've spun, Coagulation is a river, not a single number won [Chorus] Pulse ox, capno, gas and pressure line, Oscillometry finds the mean, then works the math to nine, ECG for axis, arrhythmia, ischemia defined, Monitors are the dialect that the patient speaks in signs, Read the waveform, trust the physics, keep the signal clean, Every artifact has a reason if you know what numbers mean
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