[Verse 1] Helicobacter's coiled beneath the mucous layer, patient, Urease splitting urea, alkaline and ancient, Test the breath for carbon, check the stool for antigen, Biopsy confirms it, serology is older kin, Triple therapy fading where resistance has grown thick, Bismuth quadruple regimen when the first line doesn't stick, NSAIDs strip the prostaglandins, aspirin does the same, Stress ulcers bloom in ICU — prophylaxis is the game [Chorus] Johnson One through Five, learn the acid-secretion rhyme, Type One sits at lesser curve, low acid every time, Forrest grades the bleeding — one-A spurting, two-B slow, Epinephrine, clips, and heat — three-point-ligate the GDA below, Always biopsy the gastric ulcer, never let it go, Malignancy is hiding where the margins seem to show [Verse 2] Graham patch the perforation, omentum soft as gauze, Oversew the duodenum, mind the pancreatic branch because The transverse vessel lurks there, ligate it and you'll weep, Vagotomy and drainage when the acid is too deep, Antrectomy now narrowed — reserved for those who fail, Zollinger-Ellison secreting gastrin past the pale, Gastrinoma triangle — portal, cystic, neck of pancreas drawn, Secretin paradox: gastrin rises, not withdrawn [Chorus] Johnson One through Five, learn the acid-secretion rhyme, Type One sits at lesser curve, low acid every time, Forrest grades the bleeding — one-A spurting, two-B slow, Epinephrine, clips, and heat — three-point-ligate the GDA below, Always biopsy the gastric ulcer, never let it go, Malignancy is hiding where the margins seem to show [Bridge] Correa's cascade — normal mucosa, atrophy, then metaplastic cells, Ménétrier's protein-losing, giant rugae, gastrin swells, Hiatal hernia Types One through Four — sliding, rolling, mixed, intrathoracic gone, Borchardt's triad: pain, retching, tube won't pass — organoaxial volvulus is on, Dieulafoy's a submucosal artery, massive bleed, no ulcer found, Watermelon stomach, GAVE, antral vessels fanned around, Mallory-Weiss tears the cardia — but if it ruptures all the way, That's Boerhaave, mediastinum drowning, don't delay [Verse 3] Gastroparesis slows the emptying, the stomach heavy, still, Diabetic nerves and post-vagotomy — G-POEM fits the bill, Pyloromyotomy opens what the scarring has constricted, Gastric stimulator placed when motility's afflicted, Portal hypertensive gastropathy — mosaic tiles of red, Splenic vein thrombosis feeds the gastric varices instead, Sarin classifies them — IGV-One means splenectomy is cure, Four types of hiatal — giant hernias need crural closure sure [Chorus] Johnson One through Five, learn the acid-secretion rhyme, Type One sits at lesser curve, low acid every time, Forrest grades the bleeding — one-A spurting, two-B slow, Epinephrine, clips, and heat — three-point-ligate the GDA below, Always biopsy the gastric ulcer, never let it go, Malignancy is hiding where the margins seem to show
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