[Verse 1]
Helicobacter pylori's drilling through the mucus coat,
Urease converts urea, ammonia burns the moat,
Autoimmune attacks the parietal cells with spite,
Intrinsic factor vanishes, B12 absorption's tight,
Chemical gastritis — NSAIDs block the COX,
Prostaglandins drop, bicarbonate unlocks,
Peptic ulcer pathogenesis: acid meets a breach,
Duodenal ulcers hunger-pang, gastric ulcers teach
That eating brings the ache — location tells the tale,
H. pylori, Zollinger-Ellison — follow every trail
[Chorus]
Crohn's goes transmural, skip lesions, granulomas deep,
UC stays mucosal, continuous — no gaps in between,
Diverticulitis — Hinchey grades the mess,
One through four: abscess, peritoneum, distress,
Mucosal, transmural — remember which is which,
Fistulae and cobblestoning — Crohn's gets the stitch
[Verse 2]
Crohn's disease: the full wall thickness, mouth to anus spread,
Non-caseating granulomas tell you what you've read,
Fistulae tract between the loops, strictures choke the lumen,
Perianal disease, rose-thorn ulcers — textbook illumined,
UC flares from rectum proximal, never skips a beat,
Crypt abscesses, pseudopolyps, bleeding from the sheet,
No granulomas here — that's how you split the two,
Backwash ileitis only when pancolitis breaks through
[Chorus]
Crohn's goes transmural, skip lesions, granulomas deep,
UC stays mucosal, continuous — no gaps in between,
Diverticulitis — Hinchey grades the mess,
One through four: abscess, peritoneum, distress,
Mucosal, transmural — remember which is which,
Fistulae and cobblestoning — Crohn's gets the stitch
[Verse 3]
Diverticulitis starts where fecalith blocks the neck,
Microperforation, pericolonic fat — a wreck,
Hinchey one: pericolic abscess, contained and small,
Two: distant abscess, three: purulent peritoneal sprawl,
Four: faeculent — theatre, Hartmann's, urgent call,
Ischemic colitis hits the watershed zones worst,
Splenic flexure, sigmoid — SMA territory cursed,
Ghost cells in the lamina propria, mucosa sloughs,
Mesenteric ischemia: arterial thrombus, venous cloughs
[Bridge]
C. diff releases toxin A and B,
Pseudomembranes plastered — vancomycin's the key,
CMV shows owl-eye inclusions in the wall,
Entamoeba histolytica carves the flask-shaped call,
Typhoid, Peyer's patches, rose spots — Salmonella typhi's mark,
Neutropenic enterocolitis — cecum in the dark,
Appendicitis: fecalith obstructs the lumen base,
Distension, bacterial overgrowth, venous outflow chased,
Ischemia follows — perforation if you're late,
McBurney's point and Rovsing's sign dictate the fate
[Chorus]
Crohn's goes transmural, skip lesions, granulomas deep,
UC stays mucosal, continuous — no gaps in between,
Diverticulitis — Hinchey grades the mess,
One through four: abscess, peritoneum, distress,
Mucosal, transmural — remember which is which,
Fistulae and cobblestoning — Crohn's gets the stitch